I’m admittedly not 100% awake yet as I’m writing this post so I’ll try my best to be as coherent as I possibly can be. Personally when one of my household deities desires to converse with me, I get the intuitive “pings” from them. This morning happened to be The Morrigan.
With my past experiences concerning The Morrigan, conversations with her are always a time for meditation and self-betterment and today was no exception. I’m a woman with a high abuse background. With this came anxiety, depression, and various emotional problems. Naturally because of that, I tend to exhibit toxic behaviors as a result of my trauma at times. The problem is while I’m open to being “called out” I need to start learning that not everyone is always gonna be polite about it. When people aren’t, I tend to get angry and lash out. While I feel it’s natural to react this way I still feel it’s unhealthy for everyone involved.
I lash out because as a woman with mental and emotional health issues, I admittedly get very tired of consistently having to accommodate for the needs of everyone around me. Especially those who have abused me. It sometimes would feel nice to get that patience in return regarding the way my brain functions. But alas, it’s no ones responsibility to accommodate for me either. It does however admittedly get tiring that I have to take on the full responsibility to change myself in order to make others comfortable with what I am. I hope I’m making sense?
I may have found a solution.
Instead of seeing this as a jounrey to make others comfortable around me, I need to take this as a constant opportunity to improve myself for the sheer satisfaction and confidence that I’m becoming a stronger individual. It’s selfish yes. But it’s honestly time I start being a bit more selfish. My gods are teaching me that. The only people who DO matter are my loved ones and I’m willing to change and sacrifice my toxic habits for their needs instead of mine. However, it’s time I stop changing for “average joe” on the street and start changing for ME. Because I deserve to be healthy and happy.
Thanks for reading. This wasn’t easy to write but I’m glad I did.
If you suffer with depression, anxiety, PTSD, abuse etc. my email and heart are open to you all. I’m not a therapist or a doctor. But I never mind being an ear or a shoulder to cry on. Stay strong. Life is worth it.
I had a conversation with a good friend yesterday about “modern mythology” so I decided to write another (yet brief) post this morning.
Document your spiritual journeys.
It doesn’t have to be public. It can be private for as long you desire it to be. However, I challenge everyone to release these “records” one day for other’s to witness and admire. Even question and think about. Why? because the modern myths need to be created and told. We lost 1000 years. It’s time to fill the gap and revive the old religion(s) from the ashes again.
So I’m admittedly not the most knowledgeable woman in the world when it comes to ancestor work and veneration. Looking back, I can’t help but find it pretty funny (and ironic) how our ancestors really start giving a shit when love enters the picture. I say this because it happened to a former friend of mine and now it’s coincidentally happening to me. Must have something to do with keeping the “lineage” going. That’s pretty important stuff after all. (FYI I do realize this comes from a heteronormative point of view and I’m possibly alienating my LGBT readers. I deeply apologize for that.)
Some background: my ancestors never really paid much attention to me (until now anyways) and it always admittedly made me feel pretty bad. I don’t know how it is for everyone else but it seems that ancestors start taking an active stance in our lives when the big shit starts coming up. (Marriage, love, children, etc.) It makes sense though as this is all pretty important in the cycle of life and keeping the lineage going strong.
I’m probably gonna regret this later… but I have a secret.
My deities have been getting me ready for a soul-mate. I won’t talk about the circumstances publicly. It’s big. I’ll keep it at that. And no, it’s not godspousery. But it’s a bit hilarious to me how now that this is all manifesting soon, the ancestors want in on it. So naturally, they’re paying a little more attention to me than they usually did. I don’t mind it and I’m happy to humor them. It’s exciting stuff after all. However, this comes with new responsibilities. I have an ancestor shrine set-up but I rarely tended to it. Now that this is changing… I need to start being more responsible and courteous towards them.
So a few goals after chatting with my grandparents tonight:
Respect their Catholic roots. Put a rosary on the altar.
Buy a Catholic-themed tarot deck specifically for ancestors only
Change water every day
Spend more time with them frequently
Ancestor veneration was and still is an extremely important (yet highly overlooked) aspect of Norse religion and Heathenry. Naturally, many practitioners sadly have negative ties to their ancestors and want nothing to do with them. While this is a fair and understandable aspect of our psyche and baggage… I also have the controversial opinion that we need to heal relationships when they have the opportunity to be. I will admit though some circumstances can never be healed and I fully respect and validate that. But since ancestor veneration is such a key part of Heathenery and it’s practice I personally think it’s a bit ignorant to throw it off the table completely. Of course, if anyone disagrees I’m fully open to hearing “why” in a respectful manner.
To wrap this up, I’m happy my ancestors are finally interacting with me. I don’t think they truly ever ignored me but maybe it just wasn’t the time for them to step in yet. It happens and it’s ok.
“Death” is often a scary, yet misunderstood concept. When people hear or think of the word “death” they usually assume tragic loss of life or endings. Both is true. However, death can also be a beautiful, powerful energy that heals and aids us if we let it.
In my personal tarot readings, my deities have been handing me this card quite a bit lately. It’s natural considering I’m going through some major changes and transitions in my life at the moment all physically, mentally, and spiritually. While I’m writing this post I came to an ironic realization where “death” is taking place this very moment for me. The changes I’m going through are building up to something very unique and special in my life which I cannot openly discuss. However, I realize now, why make these changes for that one reward bound by fate when the true reward(s) lie within the myths I weave for myself? These “fated rewards” will last for a moment. But the true gift is amplifying that “reward” into a lifelong journey. It’s one thing to be content with the gifts you receive. It’s another to build from it and make it truly something to behold.
Don’t ever be content with who you are. Change is our friend even if it’s cruel at times. As I get older I start to realize why accepting and creating change is so important. Not for a divine reward or “heaven”. But for the satisfaction of achieving greatness and being the best we can potentially be. My gods inspire me in this aspect because I (personally) believe they are ancestors whose lives were so brilliantly lived that they became remembered and honored for generations. I feel we should strive to achieve this in the little time we have on this earth. Not to potentially be deified… but to embrace the true gift of life. There is no better way to honor our gods and ancestors than living life the best you can and to the fullest. That’s my opinion anyways.
Change is imminent and it will happen regardless if you’re ready or not. It’s your call whether or not you choose to shake hands with death or try to avoid it instead. I’ll take the first option. It’s done me a lot of good.
I have to be pretty discreet with the information I give in this post because I’m… not exactly comfortable sharing the nitty-gritty of my spiritual experiences and practice anymore. However, I’m really happy to say I’ve had some massive breakthroughs this week spiritually. A few lingering issues came to light finally thanks to shadow work and meditation. It’s heavily working and benefiting me in a major way!
One thing I learned finally is to always listen to your intuition and gut feeling even if it’s scary. The cycle I finally broke this week was to stop denying my intuition of the information I needed and to stop replacing it with what I wanted to hear. Or, what I like to call the “safe” option.
My intuition is extremely good…when I listen to it that is. The problem is I cause myself so much unnecessary stress and anxiety by denying myself of the truth and living in denial. I realize now that even if something seems scary or frightening the outcome is usually for my benefit. My gods know what they’re doing. I need to trust them.
Either way I’m really proud of myself and it’s only Wednesday! My gods are proud too.
Let’s see… what else?
Bought some new nick knacks and spell candles. Re-arranged my altar again. Need to kick-start my studies however. I’ve been seriously slacking in that department.
Going to finally give this WordPress thing a try again. I don’t promise to keep at this or update regularly as I prefer to keep my personal life separated from my spiritual. We’ll see how it goes.
My intention is to use this space as a personal journal documenting my spiritual journey into Heathenry and witchcraft. I want to state right off the bat I’m reallynot interested in Heathen politics anymore. So here’s where I stand: I firmly believe the Gods interact with us. Same with our ancestors. I’m perfectly fine with “Lokeans” (though I personally am not one) and I really don’t give a flying hoot what people do with their personal practice so long as no one is getting hurt. Not my practice? not my problem. I’m also against white supremacy, nationalism, and neo-nazism. I’ve encountered too much bullshit in the pagan community to give a rats ass and let people dictate my personal practice anymore. If you have a problem with the way I do things then I guess that’s tough. Go find another blog and leave me out of it.
Now that we got that out-of-the-way…
As I stated before I intend to use this as a personal grimoire. I may also do the occasional book review. We’ll see how this moves along in due time.
My ultimate goal is consistent change and self-betterment. If I mess up and do something that’s not so right? tell me privately and politely. The contact form is linked above. Otherwise, thank you for joining me on my journey. I hope I can produce… somewhat decent content.